I'm Living in Zen

It's funny how you can go shopping for one particular thing and come across something that seemed to be waiting for you all along. Like that shirt that you happened to see as you were making your way to the cashier. It's like it just wanted you to notice it as it hangs on the hanger and you can imagine it speaking to you. "Hey you! Yeah you over there! Come check me out."

Yesterday I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up the book, "Push" by Sapphire. I want to read the book because they've made a movie of it and I had heard about the story. However, that's neither here nor there. As I was making my way to the cashier, I browsed the Bargain Book section. I saw a book in this section that I had considered buying but never did - then I saw the price. "Hey, check me out! I'm ONLY $6.98", I could faintly heare as I passed by the shelf.

The book I bought was, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff".

Since I've started working at this new university I have to say that I have done my best to live a zen like life. It hasn't always been easy when those around you aren't followers of Zen. HA HA! It's not unusual for someone to quote me as saying on more than one occasion, "If they're not bleeding, vomiting, choking, or losing a limb then it'll be all right and it's not that serious." This is a philosophy that I've taken on in many aspects of life. One aspect in particular, event planning and campus programming really gets treated to this philosophy. Everything is going to be okay no matter how tough or unfavorable a situation seems. So, imagine me, in all my delight to come across a book that seems to speak to the very way of life that I try to live!

Some of the entries in the book are:

Make Peace with Imperfection
Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences
Repeat to Yourself, "Life Isn't an Emergency!"
Understand Separate Realities
Turn Your Melodrama into Mellow-Drama
Remember 100 Years from Now, All New People

These are GREAT entries that can help someone to, "take a chill pill" and relax.

Doesn't it make you just wanna slip folks a Xanax sometime?

A Quote, Self-reflection and Being the Best You Can Be

I haven't posted in a while and there's good reason. I have been working like crazy! Transitioning into this new position (well not so new anymore) has presented some challenges, triumphs, confusion, and awakenings. I will have been here a year come April 18.

In this amount of time I have been promoted, bought a house, run two position searches, chaired several committees, worked my ass off to help create a shift in attitudes about programming, began the process of learning how to be a great supervisor, and continually learning to manage my relationship with each person I am in contact with at the university. Oh.... and let's not forget trying to find a social life outside of work!

This particular blog is about quotes and finding your way. I have been an avid reader of quotes and really pull inspiration from the words. Many people may read quotes and it's simply a culmination of letters that form words that create a statement they might find interesting. I, on the other hand, take quotes and weave them into my life. They become a mantra and I feel the need to share the "good words" and what they mean to me. The latest quote that I read was, "Don't limit your dreams. Make your dreams magnificent." I happened to read this quote at a time when I really needed it - because I'm pushing to make some significant changes to our welcome week program.

During ACPA, I attended a session on spirituality and supervising. It really hit home and helped me to reflect on how I try to share my spirituality with those around me - professionally and personally. So much self-reflection going on with me right now. It's given me the courage to push forward in many aspects. I won't ever say all aspects because that would be a serious lie! During this session I began to think about the kind of person I am. Am I authentic and living a life of as much congruency as I can muster? With this understanding of my own spirituality and attempts to live congruently, how do I supervise my staff?

Honestly, I often considered the supervision of professional staff to be similar to student leaders I've mentored and advised. If you put trust in them and build a strong relationship they will amaze you with what they're capable of accomplishing and be more than willing go above and beyond the call of duty. They just need the tools and the green light to "dream magnificently". The other difference with professional staff is that they have more experience in their area of responsibility coming into the job - but still have things to learn. Hmmm... Don't we all have things to learn from one another?

I look at life as an ever developing, ever changing journey. I look at working in higher education as a journey of personal and professional growth. Who could ask for a better, more developmental, accepting environment to ever work in? Making mistakes is par for the course - but keep in mind, the practically the entire course is par 2! You might get a hole in one, but if you don't - NO WORRIES - you have another chance - and sometimes your supervisor might give you a mulligan. Taking chances are what we should be encouraged to take, right? Or is it like that on all campuses where we are given the green light to take risks?

Evolution of humans took many a sunset and a full moon to occur. While the evolution of a staff and individual staff members may take only a fraction of that amount of time, it does still occur slowly the they move toward stronger Student Affairs professionals. We happen to work in a field where we all learned about development and the quote of "meeting them where they are" has been spoken and heard many times. Is that quote just another bunch of jumbled words arranged to mean something with regard to a staff member working with students or is it something we need to apply to supervision of staff, interactions with members of our campus, members of the community or the citizen you might encounter on your weekly trip to the grocery store?

Being the best that we can be in any particular moment is probably the most that anyone can really expect from someone, ultimately. If you want better responses/results/outcomes then you have to teach and mentor. A quote from Maya Angelou that I love is, "When you know better, you do better". As I continue to learn my job - I will do better. As I begin to know my staff better - I will supervise better. As my staff continue to stretch and grow they will continue to be better professionals and human beings. As I begin to understand myself better - I will be a better "ME".

Sadly, this is the end of my stream of consciousness for tonight! But I'm BACK.. Dear God I'm back! There'll be more to come because, damnit - There is a LOT of "stuff" to talk about... and well, I have time to write again. :0)

I am Overcome with Emotion...

There is no single emotion at this particular moment that can express how I feel right now. It's almost as though you can feel the world changing just as soon they announced Barack Obama has been elected the next President of the United States.

People who are reading this may not get the true magnitude of this moment. As a black man whose parents lived during the civil rights movement, whose family has roots in slavery, who never once thought he, nor his siblings, parents, grandparents and extended family see anyone other than a white man elected President has overwhelmed me with emotion.

This changes everything and hopefully improves many things. No longer will children of other races feel limited in what they can accomplish. No longer will any black man or woman have the excuse that we can't change anything or do anything.

When I was a kid I never thought I could be President. I always thought white men were the only ones allowed to be in that position. I remember seeing Geraldine Ferraro be on the ticket in the 80's and thinking that pairing would never win because in my history books it had only been white men who were the President and VP. Watching the mini-series, Roots, only solidified that concept because that may have been Alex Haley's story - but it resonated so much deeper with black people.

Then I begin to think of all of the things that will speak to the world. Even the little things such as visiting the White House and seeing Obama's Presidential portrait among all of those white men. Or people seeing pictures of the new First Family and having a new perspective of black Americans. New lessons to teach our youth. New lessons to teach our older generations. There are probably many other things I can list about the lessons we'll learn from this moment on. One of which being, this is no longer an America for white people that people of color just happen to live in - It's an America that can begin to say it's truly the land of opportunity for ALL citizens.

Yes We Did!

Negotiating Kindness?

Tonight I just felt moved to write something.

On a regular basis I notice people, who for whatever reason, find it inherently hard to be nice. It's as if they have to justify being nice and make the decision based upon a negotiation they decide on within their mind. Tonight I witnessed a friend who is in a constant flow of anger. Every single time I've hung out with this friend there's an angry moment. I chalk it up to personal unhappiness. I could be off the mark because I don't have a counseling license - but I did get a degree in counseling!

It all brought to mind how it's just amazing to me that some people will go out of their way to be mean when it's way easier to be 1.) kind and 2.) generous. It's not just a Natalie Merchant song! Maybe they don't really go out of their way. Maybe in the beginning they did and over time it has just become the only way they know how to respond?

It is my belief that if everyone just treated others with kindness - things would be so much better. If you spend a lot of your energy being angry then it doesn't leave much time for you to be in any other state of mind. The "ups" in your life are fewer and farther between. It all makes me think about God and just having faith in the thought that the life you live is just a journey that the Higher Power (if you choose to have faith that there is one) has provided. No one is out to get you. No one is out to steal from you. No one is truly out to hurt you maliciously, etc. (aside from common criminals). But if you've put that kind of energy out there - you BEST BELIEVE it's coming back to find you. It's the boomerang of life known as karma.

So imagine putting out nothing but good, positive energy. Being supportive. Being a good friend. Being a good parent. Being nice. Choosing to be happy. Living life as if it were the BEST gift you've ever received (because it really is).

In the purest sense - it's all about kindness. Think about that the next time you throw out your boomerangs.

When Opportunity Meets Preparation

Lately, I've been thinking about my experiences in the field of student affairs. I have been contemplating how, when, and why I'd like to write this entry. Sitting here now makes my eyes water because of the amount of gratitude I want to share with everyone who has helped to carry me to this point in my life. It's amazing to me to think that I have been in the field for 7 years! What's even more amazing is reflecting on all that I've learned in those 7 years. While it may seem obvious to most that with 7 years of doing a specific type of job gives you a certain level of expertise, I'm here to talk about another. The unofficial mentor.

When I say unofficial, I'm talking about those individuals that you see and think, "Wow, I want to learn how they did/do it!" and you don't necessarily discuss with them your intentions. This all comes to mind with my last work experience at the University of Nevada Las Vegas. I have a tremendous level or respect and gratitude for having worked with the people I've had the opportunity to engage in dialogue and share experiences. This is not to discount my other experience as a hall director in Georgia. Having spent 5 years at one institution, I feel compelled to speak directly of this particular experience.

In 2003 I began my journey at UNLV. I really had little knowledge of student affairs theory, of what it meant to attend a national convention, let alone which one to attend, and I had yet to put together a proposal, official document, or otherwise for a university and/or its upper administration or even a national publication. I was indeed, green and sometimes green with envy because of my new colleagues seemingly extensive knowledge of the theories I had never fully understood or even studied. I'll be the first to tell anyone that my masters program was not terribly enriching.

It's not easy being green. I learned that during my first year when I was passed up for a merit pay increase, when everyone else who was also new around me received one. At that moment I sought out my first unofficial mentor. Since I had become friends with him, I would ask questions on how to improve and jokingly tell him that I was indeed on the same fast track to success. I definitely modeled some of my professional choices after him and it paid off. The next year and each year thereafter, I did receive merit. There were other unofficial mentors in the Division of Student Life. The level of support, those valuable teachable moments, and trust meant a great deal to me. I truly feel that I would not be in the position I am now poised to take on had this journey and your guidance not been a part of my life.

Some of the things I've learned are:

• professional ettiquette
• writing minutes
• running meetings
• indulging my creativity
• taking risks
• learning how to honor commitments
• learning the importance of being on time
• student affairs theory
• how to be developmental
• working smarter not harder
• having rich diaglogues
• goal planning
• creating a vision
• creating event binders
• being thorough
• playing devils advocate
• knowing how to say no
• knowing when to say yes
  
• being stern when necessary
• "playing nice"
• the value of inclusivity and collaboration
  
• the constant use of student affairs lingo
• walk the talk
• how to do bigger and better events
• report writing
• assessment
  
• the value of autonomy
• becoming a better writer
• drafting "official" documents/emails
• being "collegial"

Leaving UNLV was a really difficult choice especially with so many unknowns with taking on a new position. I remember the conversations I had with our Assistant Director and Director on why I wanted to do a job search. The only thing I could really speak to was that I needed a change from the job I had been doing for the last 5 years. I knew that role like the back of my hand but something kept telling me to move on. I resisted and even drafted a "new duties" document to outline how my position could be better utilized.

Now I sit in my new home in Virginia, reflecting on this journey and sharing it with my readers. I didn't mention the names of individuals because they deserve to be recognized for being great professional role models and helping me go from a green newbie to a seasoned professional on a more personal level.

I titled this post, "When Opportunity Meets Preparation" because honestly, I was watching TV and someone said it on a show. It was in reference to luck and it made me think of my situation and how, during the last 7 years I was being prepared for my new role. If you recall my previous posts, I did a job search. I went on two campus interviews and for whatever reason, I did not fit their needs and I'm okay with that. It's the fit with an institution and the department that you'd be working in that's most important. It was on the third campus interview where I seemed to find a fit and they did, too. Fast forward to the present and by the end of this month, I will no longer be in the position I was hired for. After two months on the job, I was offered the opportunity for a promotion and the opportunity crossed paths with my preparation!

Going back to the position I had in Georgia, a book that a Dean I worked with gave to our housing department has been ever influencing in how I do my work. The book is, "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. It's a quick read and a simple concept to digest and implement into your life. Be sure to check out the link to read the what those agreements are.

I say all of this for two reasons, to show my appreciation for the professional development I received from my UNLV family and to let you, the reader, see how it all comes together when you're ready for it. To develop as a professional takes mentoring in the unofficial or official versions. I doubt that any of the people aside for one who I am friends with, even realized they had that type of influence. It's always the little things that add up to be really important. Just watch how people work and do their work - you'll be amazed at what you pick up. And those times when you get reprimanded, can also be those influential moments that stick with you forever and create a stronger professional. If you don't ever make mistakes, how can you ever grow? Had preparation not met those opportunities in Georgia and Nevada, I would not be prepared for the new professional opportunity I've accepted. I plan to pay it forward to each green newbie whose opportunity crosses my path.

Thank you to everyone who has played a part in my experiences, whether you saw your contribution in this entry or not, everyone has had a part in helping me be who I am as a professional and friend today.

With sincerest gratitude,

Gotta Unpack During this Summer "Vacation"

The students are on summer break and you find yourself in your office, chillin' - literally. I know how the air conditioning is in some places. :0) As I was chilling with my new supervisor, I have a moment that moved me closer to self-actualization. I thought would be worth sharing with my readers.

During the meeting we were talking about skills I've acquired since being a professional. I guess I never fully thought of everything that I either A. am capable of doing or B. can do with my eyes closed and one arm tied behind my back. Seven years have passed since I started working in student affairs and I've updated my resume many times but I never really comprehended what I am capable of doing.

How many times have you thought about the tasks that you do every day? Probably not as often as you could - and when it comes to interviewing for positions, you probably leave the interview and think, "Damn, I forgot to mention this.. " I know it has happened to me.

This summer you may be preparing to go on a vacation and spend some of that economic stimulus check. Before you begin packing, let me suggest "unpacking" all that you've accomplished personally and professionally. What lessons were learned? What skills were honed? What new skills were acquired? What is your full list of skill sets? What areas need more attention? This activity could be jotting down a couple of things each day. Your brain won't recall everything at once - so start the list on your computer and save it. Add to it. I will be that you feel more accomplished.


Some important skills can be:

• Managed several budgets.
• Mediated conflicts between students and or staff.
• Dealt with a difficult ___________.
• Planned activities for ___________.
• Became more well versed in risk management.
• Handled a crisis involving ________.

The list can go on. You may even have to do this for your end of the year reports. There may be things you haven't included on those reports that may not be important for that particular document. However, that doesn't mean it's not important for you as a professional. This list is to help you feel accomplished.

In addition to the things you've accomplished in the office be sure to include things you want to accomplish in your personal life. Add things you WANT to accomplish during the next 12 months personally and professionally. Kind of like your own "Bucket List" which coincidentally comes out on DVD and BluRay on Tuesday! I created one and I'll share it here. It's more personal than professional, but you get the idea.

Take notice that this is NOT a list of what I want to do.. but what I will do. If I don’t get to everything, that’s okay - at least I’ve done something. Ideally, I’d like to have 366 things to do. Things is green are what I've done /am doing. Things in orange are things that are in the works.

1. Create a framed piece of art each month - this counts as 12 things.
13. Exercise at least 3 times a week.
14. Do a photo shoot each month to hone my craft - this counts as 12 things.
27. Learn how to use Illustrator effectively. 28. Learn how to use Photoshop effectively. 29. Cook my own meals 4 days a week.
30. Plan a my weekly dinner menus in advance.
31. Limit my spending on frivolous things.
32. Create a bracelet to remind me to not buy frivolous things.
33. Try my hand at building whimsical wall clocks - I’ve always wanted to do this.
34. Utilize my sewing machine at least 4 times this year - counts as 4.
38. Save $50 into my savings account each month.
39. Get a Roth IRA
40. Really try to sell my artwork and make money.
41. Buy lighting equipment and build my own photo studio.
42. Learn how to create flash animation and menus.
43. Create my own stationary.
44. Write actual letters and mail them to people I haven’t talked to in a while.
45. Pay off all debt.
46. Write a blog each week - there’s something worth writing about all of the time.. you just have to think about it. - HA.. this blog isn't this particular one.. it's not appropriate for this venue. if you think you wanna see - let me know .. but be warned!
47. Walk 10,000 steps each day - that can’t be THAT hard can it? I'm pretty close!
48. Read two books this year. One book has been read - The Color Purple
49. Take more risks in meeting people.
50. Date more often.
51. Keep a tidier office.
52. Show my appreciation more often.
53. Attend church at least once.
54. Find a new job. YAY! I have a new job at George Mason!
55. Make more time for myself.
56. Drink less soda.
57. Travel out of the country.
58. Visit family.
59. Keep a sketch book and USE IT.
60. Do something nice for someone each week - counts as 52.
113. Know when it’s time to leave the office.
114. Practice playing the guitar. Does Guitar Hero count?
115. Buy clothes that are the right size.
116. Eat less junk food.
117. Create an art portfolio.
118. Go hiking. The Grand Canyon Rim trail! Yeah Baby!
119. Go to the movies at least once and not get popcorn. Saw "Meet the Browns"
120. Display my artwork in some prominent location.
121. Each week look for items I can cross off from this list.
122. Drink less coffee. - Im actually drinking more now.. ugh..
123. Volunteer for some charitable organization.
124. Re-read The Four Agreements and live them to the best of my ability.
125. Write down my dreams - they can be the biggest inspiration.
126. Start loving myself more.
127. Attend a Meet Up Group meeting
128. Find ways I can make a difference at work.
129. Stay out of office gossip.
130. Be more inclusive with regard to people at work.
131. Encourage people to be the best "professional" they can be.
132. Believe in myself.
133. Continue to add to this list.

It's good to revisit your list at least once a month - at the beginning of the month is best. This way, you can plot how you will be able to cross off new items.

Feel free to share some items from your list in the comments - I'd love to see them.

What I Wish I Would Have Known in Student Affairs

A while back I came across a blog that stated, "20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life". I then started thinking about the things I wish I had known about Student Affairs. There are quite a few things to mention that most people probably picked up in their graduate programs. However, one of the things I've always understood is the importance of humble, friendly, energetic, and willing to do the work.

Below is a list of things I wish I had known prior to getting into this field. Feel free to add your own "I wish I would have known" comments. This could be fun!

1. Know more about the process of getting hired. When I was on the verge of graduating with my MA, I had no idea what the time-line looked like in order for me to get a job. I really didn't start applying for positions until May - and as you know.. that's WAY LATE! Luckily I found a position as a hall director. Those two years were great - but I definitely didn't know what to do as a hall director because I had only lived in the halls for a semester myself. HA! I guess with the willingness to learn and do the work you can do anything. It's called SURVIVAL!

2. What exactly do you do at an ACPA and NASPA and why would you want to go? I had heard about these two student affairs organizations but I never really grasped why it was important for me to be a member. It didn't help that the first institution I was employed with didn't go to either of these conferences - so there went another two years of not knowing.

3. Be your (professional) self in Interviews and RELAX! Wow, I just got this not too long ago. You don't want to force yourself to fit a position - you want to give the interviewers a sense of who you are and they'll decide if you're a good fit. When you do this.. you become less nervous. Just make sure you're prepared.

4. Have a general idea of a handful of theories. Some people in student affairs like to talk theory. I'm not really one of them - but I can at least give you a general idea of some of the most used ones and hold a conversation. In my early years, this wouldn't be the case. I had theories class - but I skated through that class. In my current position I gained the knowledge to be able to speak on some theorists even if it's not my favorite thing to do (I actually get quite bored). Having a general knowledge also helps you through some interviews. I don't know how many actually ask questions on your theory knowledge - but UNLV definitely does. I will say that I've never heard anyone shout out, "Oh my God - I just did challenge and support!" - It's all about putting it into practice.

5. Stay out of the gossip. Actually I've always lived by this one since graduate school. Gossip will destroy everything and trust goes right out of the window. If you're participating in gossip, just imagine how much others you're gossiping with are actually gossiping about you. Think "Mean Girls". It all comes back to bite you on the ass in the end.

6. No matter what they say, there is ALWAYS ways around it. Don't ever take the first no as the FINAL ANSWER. Oh, and those rules are they just as a guideline - of course unless it may result in death, pain, serious injury and incarceration. While there might always be a way around something you can't always skirt around a rule - but a lot of times you can.

7. Stand your ground - be confident. Sometimes you meet people who are in a higher position than you and the culture is to fear this person for whatever reason. If you're confident that commands a certain level of respect. If you're sure about something, stand your ground - but know when to concede. Some battles are just not worth the fight, plus you have to think of the whole team. How is standing your ground on a subject affecting others? It took me a while to be confident enough to stand my ground when I believed in something.

8. Be well known for something. Whatever you're good at - keep it up. Be known for that. If it's being punctual - let that be your M.O. Are you an encyclopedia of team building/ice breaking knowledge? Then do as many staff development exercises as possible. If you're creative, show it any chance you get. If you are organized - offer to help others be that way. If you can find humor in the most appropriate times when it's needed, then do it. Accentuate whatever skill/talent you have to help yourself shine brightest.

9. Don't agree to do something if you really don't want to do it. This is a no-brainer. If you don't want to do something and you've convince yourself that you have to because someone may be offended or upset that you can't - then that's their problem. My motto is, "Help when you have the time, ability and WANT to help". You'll always come across as genuine because you will be your genuine self when you are helping. Doing something because of politics, being afraid to say no, or afraid someone will not like you will set you into a hard to break spin-cycle of inauthentic behavior and you'll always remember the time when you did that "favor" for someone. It's the times you don't remember doing something for someone but they always remember you doing it for them, that you have done something with pure kindness. It's those things that count in the long run.

10. Take advantage of all of your fringe benefits! Get your full worth at your institution. Health benefits, retirement plans, computer loans, free software, free or discounted tuition - take FULL advantage. I've taken advantage of all of the benefits. The tuition one is great because while I may not be working towards a degree, I'm working on improving my skills in other areas that help me do the work in my position better - and better still, I am taking classes for personal enrichment.

11. Don't become a politician (unless you're REALLY running for office). You can't be everything to everyone all of the time but who you can be is yourself everyday. This is not to say you aren't respectful and thoughtful in regard to a colleagues role in your department or division - but what it's saying is that you be consistent in your dealings and confident in the decisions you make. People will respect you more for your point of view, your enthusiasm, and honesty. Keep in mind, this isn't carte blanche to say and do "whatever the hell you want" but more of a vehicle to be you. It's wise to press palms, smile, and engage in authentic conversations but it's not wise to get yourself caught up in the "watch out for so-and-so", the "they don't like it when...", or the "you don't want to piss off so-and-so ", etc. Once you start tip-toeing around folks, it's a wrap! You've given them the power without them even asking for it.